Today we worked on the nursery (there’s a big post about all the work we’ve done to get the nursery ready in the near future). Jess did some touch-ups to the paint and I assembled furniture. It’s not done – there is still quite a bit more to do – but, as I looked into that room with the sun beginning to set in the windows and the wind playing with the gauzy under curtains that are all I’ve hung so far, things just… got real.

We’re going to have a kid. A little girl. I’m going to be a father… and that’s real. This is the room she’s going to live in. This used to be my office… now it’s her room. It’s Ellie’s room, now.

In a few short weeks, I’ll be sitting in this rocker, in this room, by these windows… with my tiny daughter in my arms.

That’s real. It’s not a pretend scenario. It’s not a dream. It’s not my imagination. This is really going to happen. For real.

It’s pretty humbling. It is heart-stoppingly sobering, in fact. I’m so not ready for this. And you know what? It doesn’t matter one bit if I’m ready or not.

Because this is real. This is happening.

Jess actually asked me, as I was standing there, looking in the doorway, “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You feeling a little overwhelmed?”

“… yeah.”

And she just kind of smiled at me and moved on. She’s been amazingly understanding and hasn’t given me a hard time while I’ve been processing through this. It comes in waves, this feeling of realness. At first it was just a moment here and there… now it’s a regular thing. I’ll be going about my life and then I’ll stop and think, “I’m going to have a daughter. I will be responsible for a human being. I will never look at this world the same again.”

That’s real, guys. Pray for me…

-chris